There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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