take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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