I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
