If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
birth control should be required to get into college
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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