FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We have started to decorate penises.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
