I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize