I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
