he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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