HIV tests are more positive than that guy
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
