I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
