Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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