I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
