If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
