We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
