I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
