I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
