Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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