Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
