are you still at the devil's house?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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