i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
