She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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