she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize