We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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