Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
