with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
