He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
