I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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