you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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