we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
