At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
