I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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