hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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