I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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