i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
