I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so let's talk penis.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
