She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i think im in europe. pls send help
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So apparently I’m into choking now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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