It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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