Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize