I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
