We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
