she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
