He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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