i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have post one night stand depression
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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