im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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