Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize