Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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