somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
