I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
