almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize