Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
