This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
