Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
