I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
