im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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