Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
