don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
