My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
