If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
