My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
