No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
