11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
