Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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